Red Sox 15, Marlin 5

Suck on it, Ozzie.
Papi slams! Home run derby!
Old fashioned beatdown.

Red Sox 7, Marlins 5

Suck on it, Ozzie!
Papi, Shoppie, Ross: homers!
Pitching? Got 'er done.

Red Sox 7, Cubbies 4

Morales does it!
Josh Buckett out; gosh darn it.
Sox didn't need him.

Red Sox 4, Cubbies 3

They actually won.
Salty, Lester did their thing
Still in the basement.

Theo Epstein's New Team 3, Red Sox )

Dempster: en fuego.
Matsuzaka? Not so much.
This year really sucks. 

Red Sox 2, Miami Fish 1

They actually won!
Buchholz shines with 9 strikeouts.
Tomorrow? Who knows?

Nationals 4, Red Faced Red Sox 3

Nationals sweep Sox.
Jon Lester? Not quite the ace.
Well, Papi went yard. 

D Bags 4, Red Sox 3

Gonzo hits homer!
Got all the runs! However,
Aceves? Blown save.

Red Sox 3, D Bags 2

Salty! Two run jack,
Walk off win! Hill gets the win,
Not Colonel Buckett.

D Bags 7, Boston Basement Dwellers 4

Not Lester's night.
7 runs on three home runs.
Rally: not enough. 

Red Sox 6, Orioles 5

Bard: Got the job done.
Nava, Shoppach, Pod: hit Parade!
.500? Again.

Orioles 4, Red Sox 1

Top out at 3 wins.
2 home runs: but for the Os.
Thank you, F. Doubront. 

Red Sox 8, Orioles 6

Two wins in a row.

Papi's shot goes orbital.

Sox win, despite Clay.

Red Sox 5, Phillies 1

The Yankees lost!
There were homers. Big news, but
THE YANKEES LOST!!!!

Red Sox 7, Phillies 5

Sox grind another.
Boys go yard four times over.
Order is restored. 

Phillies , Red Sox 4

Win streak ends at 1
But the part that really hurts?
Papelbon saved it.

Red Sox 5, D Bags

Sox beat the D Bags!
Byrd, Ross break out booming bats.
Suck it, Tampa Bay!

D Bags 2, Red Sox 1

So much for the streak.
Beat Seattle? No problem!
Beat real team? PROBLEM!

Red Sox 5, Mariners 0

Beckett: redemption.
9 Ks over seven.
About g d time.

Red Sox 6, Mariners 1

Order is restored!

Daniel Nava, I love you!

Lester? Forgiven.

Red Sox 12, Indians 1

Snot beating complete.
Indians swept; bats woke up.
The way it should be. 

Red Sox 4, Indians 1

Two in a row, yea!
Pedey, Papi, Ross kick in.
Ninth? Three up, three down!

Red Sox 7, Indians 5

Sox finally win.
No Beckett. Buchholz pulls it off.
Damon makes last out.

Josh Beckett

Sucking on the mound.

What's Texan for not trying?

Joshua Beckett.

Indians 8, Red Sox (sucked tonight) 3

Former Sock on top.
D. Lowe shut them down, 'cept Pedey.
Really hate this year.

Royals 4, Red Sox 3

Red Sox fan? Not fun.

Bobby V? Big idiot.

Give us Francona.

Royals (with Cheese) 6, Red Sox 4

One step up, two back
Sox had the lead, Bard balks twice.
This sucks swampwater.

Red Sox 11, Royals 5

Middlebrooks; good night
Two homers, hits kept coming.
Winning beats losing.  

Orioles 9, Boston Pheidippides 6 (17 innings)

Boston Marathon

Darnell McD even pitched

Gave up last 3 runs.

El Birdos 8, Red Embarrassments 2

Sox pitching blew it.
7 given up in third.
Feel like Royals fan.

Orioles 6, Red Sox 4 (13 innings)

Loathsome El Birdos
Outlasted the home town team.
Catches, no homers. 

Mariano Rivera

Bad knee means bad news
Yanks need to find new closer
Cuz they have no Mo. 

Athletics 4, Red Sox 2

Red Sox squandered leads.
As? Didn't squander a thing.
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

As 5, Red Sox 3

Worst offense in league
Beats Gold Gloves and MVPs.
Boston needs dope slaps.

Red Sox 11, As 6

Big bats broken out!
Makes up for yesterday's loss.
.500, for now.

The Other Sox, Red Sox

Gavin Floyd, you putz.

Held my guys to just one run.

Not a fun season.

Red Sox 1, White Sox 0

Jon gets a shutout!
Bullpen didn't fuck it up.
Wonders never cease.

Red Sox 10, Pale Hose 3

Bard: 6 Ks, badass.
Papi, McD both go yahd
5 in a row. YES!

Red Sox 10, Pale Sox 3

Youk: Grand Salami!
Salty: 2 bombs. The bullpen?
Didn't fuck it up.

Red Sox 7, Twinkies 6

Sox managed a sweep.
Despite a bumbling bullpen.
Three in a row: YEAH!

Red Sox 11, Twinkies 2

This is a blow out.
Didn't watch and yes, they won.
Superstitious much?

Red Sox 6, Twinkies 5

Now that's more like it.
Lester starts, but Bard gets win.
Valentine's a dope.

Forces of Darkness 15, ? Red WTFS 9

9 zero lead blown.
Spanks: 14 runs, 2 innings.
Lousy fucking 'pen.

Pinstriped Damned 6, Reeling Red Sox 2

Clay coughs up 4 bombs,
At least Papi hit a deuce.
We want Tito back.

Rangers 6, What Used to be the Red Sox 3

Another game down
Beckett took it in the shorts.
We need Tito back

Ranger 15, Red Sox 2 (Top 8th)

This is disgraceful.
Snot beating in progress, so
Bad I won't finish.

D Bags 1, Red Sox 0

So much for a sweep.
Valentine left Bard too long.
Bats took the day off.

Red Sox 6, D Bags 4

Sox sweep the D Bags.
Pena home run? Not so fast.
Love instant replay.

Red Sox 13, D Bags 5

Boston hit parade!
Buchholz 5 Ks, Bats 5 bangs.
Go shove your cowbells.

Red Sox 12, D Bags 2

Boston's bats awoke
Snot beaten from Tampa Bay.
Home opener won!

Haiku Composed for Boston Globe Requesting Red Sox Haikus

Fenway's One Hundredth.
Week One would have been bigger
Damn that Titanic.

Blue Jays 3, Red Sox 1

Sox drop another.
Lester goes 8, 6 strikeouts.
The bats let him down.

Blue Jays 7, Red Sox 3

Hope has come and gone.
The Jays had a hit parade.
Feel like a Cubs fan.

Red Sox 4, Blue Jays 2

My boys, off the schneid!
Top of the ninth, job got done.
Yankees won, too.  Fuck them.

Tigers 13, Red Stops 12 (11 innings)

2 leads squandered. Shit.
But there IS joy to be had.
Yanks are sucking, too.

Tiger 10, Red Flops 0

Red Sox pitching sucked.
Beckett gives up five homers.
Chicken grease fingers.

Tigers 3, Red Sox 2

Lester goes seven
Aceves debuts, blows save
Fuck Austin Jackson.

Two Thumbs Down

Season starts tomorrow,
Bailey/Beckett out: bad thumbs.
Start my ulcer now.

Transition

Twenty Eleven
In rear view mirror, buh bye.
Twenty Twelve? DO IT